Heartbreak!

Saturday was my first race of the season, and for the most part it went really well. I felt strong, I sat easily near the front of the pack the entire race. I attacked hard a couple times and was able to respond to the attacks of the other riders. It was GREAT to find that I was one of the stronger women in the race.

I had been worried about my climbing -- Hillsboro ends with two significant hills, a turn into long descent onto 4 or 5 energy-sucking blocks of brick road, then turning back onto pavement for the finishing stretch. But I was first up the first hill and feeling good. I even pushed the pace a little near the top and dropped everyone else.

Between the two hills is a flat stretch into a stiff headwind. My teammate Heidi surged ahead there, with a couple racers on her wheel --- THIS was THE move and I was going to join it. And then, for some idiotic reason, in that moment I decided I needed to be in my big ring [which I didn't need to be]. And I dropped my chain. I DROPPED MY *#%@!$* CHAIN!!!

Often, when your chain falls off the cranks, you can pedal it back on. So I was pedalling and I could hear it flopping around. It wouldn't catch. Everyone passed me and it wouldn't catch. Finally I just stopped and put it back on manually. Twice. Then I remounted and started to chase. The first person I passed was my teammate Gigi, who hollered "You can catch them!" and that spurred me on -- I could see the front pack on the second climb.

I charged up the hill, passing two more riders. I passed a fourth in the turn and then bombed the descent. I hit the bricks at 37.4 MPH and caught up to a couple more women. I worked my way past them and another in the turn onto the pavement. None of them were able to catch my wheel. In the finishing stretch I sprinted past one more racer and did a great bike throw at the line.

The instant I crossed the finish, I was devastated. I had lost this race with one stupid mistake. I am confident that if I had not dropped the damn chain -- or even if I'd been able to pedal it back on quickly -- I would have finished in the top three. I've been struggling to stop beating myself up about it and to let go of the crushing regret. I have to let it go.

And in the end, I placed 10th out of 44. Not bad considering. I'm really proud that I didn't give up when it was obvious that I had lost, but fought tooth and nail. If the course were longer, I think I would have caught them. Tenth gives me one upgrade point -- and I'll take it!

My three teammates in the race were awesome -- Heidi and Denise came in 4th and 5th [in their first road race!] and Gigi finished with the front group in 17th. None of us crashed -- and several women did -- and we all learned a lot.

But it really sucks. I love that race and I really wanted to place well in it. It's galling to know that this year I was actually capable of getting on the podium and I ruined it for myself. OK, I'll let it go. I'll get over it.

----

Well, I just checked the official results and it says I came in 11th. So no upgrade point. Still, this race has proved to me that I'm ready to upgrade, that it's not presumptuous to think that I might win another race. And that's great.