I just heard from one of my TTT teammates . . . she's out. Its not because we haven't been able to decide where and when to practise . . . its that the events of the season have finally taken their toll on her.

Earlier this year, in a road race that was a target for a lot of us, one of our teammates was killed. As we were racing, the woman in front of her moved sideways suddenly, bumping her wheel and crashing both of them and a whole bunch of people behind. Beth K. crashed across the center line just as a truck pulling a horse trailer had crested the hill we were climbing. It hit her.

I was in front of the crash and didn't see it. I continued to race, along with about a third of the pack. But my TTT teammate, along with two of our other teammates and two women from Kenda Tire, were there with Beth trying to help her until the ambulance arrived.

Its been very hard on pretty much the whole women's team. Beth was bright, funny and popular. A strong and determined racer and all around athlete. Some of my teammates haven't raced since. Others have tentatively stepped back in, and others continued on with grim determination.

I'm not very good with feelings, and this heaped a whole ton of them on me that I had no idea what to do with. So much sadness, some guilt. Anger. I've reached out for help with some mixed results. Its been hard for me, but its been SO much harder for the women on the scene and the people who were close with Beth.

So its very understandable that my teammate isn't feeling up to the TTT. I'm disappointed, of course. I was looking forward to this race. But I want her to do what she needs for her own health and healing.

So . . . unless we somehow dig up another teammate willing to race, no Team Time Trial for me. Oh well.